Me and my buddy got us a wild hair
And figgered we wanted to go somewhere
So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet.
We had a little bit of money
And a whole lotta show
And, with Hank Jr. blaring on the radio,
We got a tank full of gas and we were on our way.
We figgered weТd go down to New Orleans.
We were barreling down on 17
When a man with a blinkinТ red light was on our tail.
He said, УYou were doing 60 in a 45
But IТm gonna let you go this time
But if I catch you again, IТm gonna slap you in the county jail.Ф
We said, УThank you, sir. You sure been nice
And you ainТt gonna have to tell us twice.Ф
And we were southbound and down with the wind blowinТ in our faces.
We kept on rolling and pretty soon
The radio was cookinТ out a Haggard tune
And we were pullinТ in to Houston and checking out all them places.
I was feeling dry and I said, УI think
We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink.Ф
OlТ Jim said, УYeah - We got time to kill.Ф
We kept on rollinТ and I seen this spot
And we pulled into the parking lot
Of this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill.
We walked through the door and the place was jammed
The lights were low - they had a punk rock band
And some orange-haired feller singinТ Сbout suicide.
I said, УJim, this ainТt our kinda place.Ф
He said, УWell, letТs just have one round anyways.Ф
So, against my better judgment, we walked on inside.
Went up to the bar and we sat down
This fella walked up and said, УIТll buy this round.Ф
And he set down on the barstool next to Jim.
He looked like a girl, but he talked like a guy;
Had lipstick on and mascara in his eye,
And everybody in that place looked just about like him.
I said, УJim, this ainТt our kinda bar.
LetТs just go on out and get back in the car
СCause thereТs gonna be trouble - AinТt no sense in takinТ a chance.
We Сas gettinТ up - GettinТ ready to leave
Somebody grabbed OlТ Jim by the sleeve -
Was this good-lookinТ girl - She was askinТ my buddy to dance.
I said, УJim, donТt do it! ThereТs something amiss!
And thereТs fellers dancing and fellers kissing!
ThereТs a feller in high-heel shoes wearing panty hose.Ф
He said, УPardner, I just canТt turn this down.
You just go over there and have one more round.
IТll dance with the lady and weТll get on down the road.
So he walked away and left me alone
And this funny-looking feller kept cominТ on
And he was making me mad with some of the things he said.
And then he put his hand on my knee
I said, УIf you donТt get your paw off me,
IТm gonna locate you nose around on the side of your head.Ф
He said, УI love it when you get that fire in your eyes.Ф
I said, УWell, pardner, try this on for size -Ф
And I unloaded on him - He went out like a light.
Everybody in that place musta been his friend.
They all headed for me. I said, УThis is the end.Ф
СCause where I come from, we donТt give up without a fight.
They were screaminТ and yellinТ, scratchinТ, and clawinТ.
I was punchinТ and hittinТ and kickinТ and pawinТ -
I was holdinТ my own Сcause IТve been in a scrap or two.
OlТ Jim come runninТ up out of the blue
And that gal he was with come runninТ up, too,
And proceeded to beat on me with a high-heeled shoe.
I grabbed her by the hair - It come off in my hand
And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man
And OlТ Jim just got sick right there on the floor.
He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun.
Smeared his lipstick; made his make-up run,
And me and OlТ Jim started fightinТ our way to the door.
And we lit outta there in that Chevrolet
And I put her on the floor and she stayed that way
We was going down the highway doing Сbout a hundred and ten.
We was headed for home and we was gettinТ near
And then a red light come on in the rear-view mirror
And that same blamed cop was pullinТ us over again.
Well, IТm sittinТ here in this county jail -
I had to call my daddy to throw our bail
But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again.
I done give up drinkinТ - IТve give up bars
And runninТ Сround the country in souped-up cars
IТm goinТ back where the women are women and the men are men.