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Uneasy Rider 88

Me and my buddy got us a wild hair

And figgered we wanted to go somewhere

So we loaded up in my ragtop Chevrolet.

We had a little bit of money

And a whole lotta show

And, with Hank Jr. blaring on the radio,

We got a tank full of gas and we were on our way.

We figgered wed go down to New Orleans.

We were barreling down on 17

When a man with a blinkin red light was on our tail.

He said, You were doing 60 in a 45

But Im gonna let you go this time

But if I catch you again, Im gonna slap you in the county jail.

We said, Thank you, sir. You sure been nice

And you aint gonna have to tell us twice.

And we were southbound and down with the wind blowin in our faces.

We kept on rolling and pretty soon

The radio was cookin out a Haggard tune

And we were pullin in to Houston and checking out all them places.

I was feeling dry and I said, I think

We ought to stop and get ourselves a drink.

Ol Jim said, Yeah - We got time to kill.

We kept on rollin and I seen this spot

And we pulled into the parking lot

Of this place called the Cloud Nine Bar and Grill.

We walked through the door and the place was jammed

The lights were low - they had a punk rock band

And some orange-haired feller singin bout suicide.

I said, Jim, this aint our kinda place.

He said, Well, lets just have one round anyways.

So, against my better judgment, we walked on inside.

Went up to the bar and we sat down

This fella walked up and said, Ill buy this round.

And he set down on the barstool next to Jim.

He looked like a girl, but he talked like a guy;

Had lipstick on and mascara in his eye,

And everybody in that place looked just about like him.

I said, Jim, this aint our kinda bar.

Lets just go on out and get back in the car

Cause theres gonna be trouble - Aint no sense in takin a chance.

We as gettin up - Gettin ready to leave

Somebody grabbed Ol Jim by the sleeve -

Was this good-lookin girl - She was askin my buddy to dance.

I said, Jim, dont do it! Theres something amiss!

And theres fellers dancing and fellers kissing!

Theres a feller in high-heel shoes wearing panty hose.

He said, Pardner, I just cant turn this down.

You just go over there and have one more round.

Ill dance with the lady and well get on down the road.

So he walked away and left me alone

And this funny-looking feller kept comin on

And he was making me mad with some of the things he said.

And then he put his hand on my knee

I said, If you dont get your paw off me,

Im gonna locate you nose around on the side of your head.

He said, I love it when you get that fire in your eyes.

I said, Well, pardner, try this on for size -

And I unloaded on him - He went out like a light.

Everybody in that place musta been his friend.

They all headed for me. I said, This is the end.

Cause where I come from, we dont give up without a fight.

They were screamin and yellin, scratchin, and clawin.

I was punchin and hittin and kickin and pawin -

I was holdin my own cause Ive been in a scrap or two.

Ol Jim come runnin up out of the blue

And that gal he was with come runnin up, too,

And proceeded to beat on me with a high-heeled shoe.

I grabbed her by the hair - It come off in my hand

And that beautiful girl was just a beautiful man

And Ol Jim just got sick right there on the floor.

He dropped that dude like a shot from a gun.

Smeared his lipstick; made his make-up run,

And me and Ol Jim started fightin our way to the door.

And we lit outta there in that Chevrolet

And I put her on the floor and she stayed that way

We was going down the highway doing bout a hundred and ten.

We was headed for home and we was gettin near

And then a red light come on in the rear-view mirror

And that same blamed cop was pullin us over again.

Well, Im sittin here in this county jail -

I had to call my daddy to throw our bail

But I learned me a lesson that I never will forget again.

I done give up drinkin - Ive give up bars

And runnin round the country in souped-up cars

Im goin back where the women are women and the men are men.

Uneasy Rider 88 /