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If I Were You

You know, quite for no reason

I'm here for the season

And high as a kite -

Living in error

With Maud at Cap Ferret

(Which couldn't be right)...

Everyone's here, and frightfully gay;

Nobody cares what people say,

Though the Riviera

Seems really much queerer

Than Rome at its height!

On Wednesday night

I went to a marvellous party

With Noonoo, and Nada, and Nell -

It was in the fresh air,

And we went as we were,

And we stayed as we were,

(Which was hell)

Poor Grace started singing at midnight,

And she didn't stop singing 'til four -

We knew the excitement was bound to begin

When Laura got blind on Dubonnet and gin

And scratched her veneer with a Cartier pin!

I couldn't have liked it more!

I've been to a marvellous party

We played a wonderful game:

Maureen disappeared

And came back in a beard,

And we all had to guess at her name...

Cecil arrived wearing armour,

Some shells and a black feather boa -

Poor Millicent wore a surrealist comb

Made of bits of mosaic from St. Peter's in Rome,

But the weight was so great that she had to go home!

And I couldn't have liked it more!

I've been to a marvellous party

I must say the fun was intense;

We all had to do

What the people we knew

Might be doing a hundred years hence...

We talked about growing old gracefully,

And Elsie - who's seventy-four -

Said,

Divine Comedy

If I Were You / Divine Comedy

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